The post The Childless Woman Owes You No Explanations appeared first on Healthy Holistic Living.

Being a woman who has gone through life, not being called a mother, my path included looking within myself, standing strong, and uncovering who I truly am. Living in a community where usually our value is measured by what others expect of us, I struggled with the pressure from society’s standards that I did not meet, as well as trying to figure out what it is that I really want. The trip started with many questions and guesses, everyone making me remember what people thought was missing in my life. But even with all the expectations from society, I found a strong spirit inside me that helped me shape my own meaning of success. I held my complex identity close, steering through the crossroads of what society expects and being true to myself with calmness and strong will.

By looking into myself and learning who I am, I faced the different influences that formed what I want and think. Is my wish to be a mother because of nature, how I was raised, or is it something more spiritual? While examining these topics, I discovered comfort in recognizing the complexity of what people want and that there are many ways to reach satisfaction. On this journey, I faced challenges and delays, times when I felt unsure and doubtful. However, facing every difficulty, I found a deep power within myself that drove me on, creating a fresh feeling of toughness and meaning. Being a mother is not just about giving birth or blood connections; it includes many kinds of caring bonds and endless ways to show affection.

And yes! I am a childless woman, as people mention. I have listened to many things said about it, particularly when I was around 35 years old and teaching in an elementary school. “Why don’t you have children?” Or, “At your age, I would just go to a party, hook up with someone, and get pregnant,” or “Maybe you have a friend who can help? Every time these words come to me, it’s like a sharp pain inside. Each week, they repeat at least once. They made me feel like the biggest failure.

To keep away from hearing those words once more, I started to not drink champagne with my work friends when we celebrated a new baby being born. A fear of wedding and baby shower celebrations grew inside me. I always thought at gatherings, who is the person that will ask the question or show their watch with a strong look and a crooked smile, saying, “Clock is ticking!”

Desire for Family

I recall experiencing great shame in attempting to explain my actions, which was very draining. My desire was to really have children of my own. As an only child, I just had my mother and father for family, which sometimes felt quite dull. I would often imagine that larger families gathered at a big table were more joyful. And I could conceive, but life had other plans.

During my late twenties and thirties, I was involved in a series of relationships with men who were slightly older than me. Each one had recently gone through a divorce and hadn’t fully come to terms with it yet; they also experienced some disagreements regarding custody with their former spouses. They preferred not to have more children because the separation caused a lot of emotional and financial strain. Or it was because I was on my own.

I never wished to raise a child by myself or with a person who was not genuinely committed from their heart to this undertaking. I hold the belief that stories carry an energy, and my desire was for love to be the central element. I wished to tell my child that we were two grown-ups, full of love for each other, who truly desired to receive and lead him or her into the world when we decided to have a baby. I do not mean this is what all people must do; it was simply my personal wish.

Personal Reinvention

Pregnancy was no longer an option, so I tried to adopt. My partner during that period was fine with the practical involvement; he simply did not wish to become a father once more in an official capacity. Hence, I completed the necessary paperwork as a single individual. And this procedure truly saddened me. In France, even if your intention is solely to adopt from another country, you must acquire an administrative agreement beforehand.

When you apply by yourself, they first look at your income (mine was very stable, and I also worked with children). Lastly, they consider your family; do you have any siblings or young parents who can help if you pass away? I lost points in this area. I couldn’t have the agreement, and it felt so unfair. I spent most of my days with Thirty children but could not get that stamp because my parents were old and had no brothers or sisters. What a joke!

I felt deep sorrow, yet there was also an urge to discover strength in my emotions as if I had completely changed into a woman. It required several years, courage, and great effort before I succeeded. I birthed—I birthed a new life. And now, I am really happy.

Language and Perception

Increasingly, men and women decide against having children. However, in my experience, there tends to be a sorrowful tale accompanying a woman without offspring. I am currently in my 40s, and I enjoy my life very much. People no longer ask me many questions; however, now I find myself asking some difficult questions of my own. Which hurt more: the absence of children or sensing community expectations? I believe it split equally. Digging further, I question why the desire for children is so strong in me. Could it be due to hormones, upbringing, or a deep longing within my spirit? So far, I can’t answer because I don’t know.

People who speak English use the term “childless,” which gives a sense of missing something. In France, if someone is not married and has no children, they are referred to as an “old girl” or an “old boy,” and this can sound negative. Many people consider becoming a mother as an essential accomplishment for women, and there are not many famous women without children, like Frida Kahlo, who serve as role models.

In many women’s bios, you see it written that “she has a wonderful career and is the mama of…” I get why being a mother deserves celebration but what strikes me is how seldom this gets said about men. Being a father should receive equal respect. Yet sometimes there seems to be something missing in your biography—and life if you’re a woman without children.

Diversity in Family Structures

Today, I listen to feedback from many mothers. Some are full of joy, lots of them claim it as hard work and not a fun time and some confessed to me that although they love their kids, being a mother is not enjoyable for them and they regret choosing this path! I appreciate their honesty because it is not an easy thing to express. I can listen to all this because I taught kids for 13 years and it’s definitely the hardest job I’ve ever had.

I am not saying one is superior to the other. I recall hearing a guru in India once say that what he observed all around the globe is, regardless of gender, age, country, or culture: “They will live happily ever after.” After stating this, he laughed a lot, and so did his listeners. Even today, there exists such profound respect for this typical image when presently, there are so many more variations in how a family appears.

With all this conditioning, how do we make choices from the bottom of our hearts? Do we simply stop throwing projections at young women and men, telling them what their lives should look like based on an outdated model without knowing about their hopes and wounds? Can you imagine the pressure felt by someone who is unable to give birth when they want?

Alternative Paths to Love

To all the women out there feeling miserable because they couldn’t become mothers, I’ve been in your shoes, and I understand your pain. I remember feeling like I had reached a dead end, questioning, “What to do now with all that love? What a waste!”. The process of creating life still amazes me and feels like pure magic. However, I had to find alternative ways to let that love flow, or else I would have become bitter. Now, I can sense a vibrant and powerful life force within me, attracting beautiful relationships. I embrace my nurturing energy, which makes me feel like a mama to those around me.

If someone asks you once more, “Why don’t you have children?” I want to share with you the answer a friend of mine uses: “I don’t know, why do you have kids?” It might start some engaging discussions.

The Weight of Expectations

In a world where motherhood is often hailed as the pinnacle of womanhood, those of us who don’t follow the traditional path may find ourselves grappling with a sense of incompleteness. The pressure to conform to societal norms can be stifling, leaving us questioning our worth and purpose.

Peeling back the layers of conditioning, I delved into the depths of my own desires. Was my yearning for motherhood rooted in biology, upbringing, or something deeper within my soul? The quest for answers led me to confront societal constructs and explore the essence of my own identity.

Despite encountering roadblocks on my journey to parenthood, I refused to let disappointment define me. Instead, I tapped into reservoirs of resilience, birthing a new sense of self that transcended traditional expectations.

Reimagining Motherhood

Motherhood, I discovered, is not confined to childbirth or genetic ties. It encompasses a spectrum of nurturing relationships and boundless expressions of love. Embracing this broader definition allowed me to channel my maternal instincts into unexpected avenues, fostering connections and creativity.

Through candid conversations and shared experiences, I found solace in solidarity. By amplifying diverse narratives and challenging societal norms, we can create a more inclusive world where every individual’s path is honored and celebrated.

At the heart of it all lies the freedom to choose. Whether one embraces motherhood or forges a different path, each decision is valid and deserving of respect. Let us cultivate a culture of understanding and empathy, where judgment gives way to acceptance and where love knows no bounds.

A New Narrative

So, to those who find themselves at a crossroads, grappling with the weight of unmet expectations, know that you are not alone. Your journey is unique, your choices are valid, and your worth transcends societal labels. Embrace the beauty of your own story, for it is a testament to resilience, courage, and the boundless capacity of the human spirit.

In a world that often measures success by traditional milestones, it’s essential to recognize and celebrate the myriad paths to fulfillment. Whether it’s through parenthood, career achievements, creative pursuits, or personal growth, every journey is infused with meaning and purpose.

Success is not a one-size-fits-all concept. It’s a deeply personal journey defined by individual aspirations, values, and experiences. By embracing diversity in our definitions of success, we create space for everyone to thrive on their own terms.

Embracing Authenticity

At the core of self-discovery lies the courage to embrace authenticity. It’s about honoring our true selves, even when it diverges from societal expectations. By living authentically, we empower ourselves and others to navigate life’s complexities with integrity and grace.

In a world where comparison often breeds judgment, compassion becomes a guiding light. By extending kindness and understanding to ourselves and others, we foster a culture of acceptance and support where each person’s journey is valued and respected.

Human connection is a powerful force that transcends labels and boundaries. Through shared experiences, open dialogue, and genuine empathy, we cultivate a sense of belonging that uplifts and sustains us on our individual paths.

Honoring the Journey

No matter where we go on our paths, every step shows how strong and brave we are, and that we can always grow. When we respect the changes in our way, we accept life’s complexity and discover purpose in traveling through it.

Ultimately, having power comes from being free to pick our own ways and decide what we want for our future. Whether we stick to traditional paths or create new ones, let’s do it with strong belief that our decisions can form how we live and encourage those around us.

As we navigate the complexities of life, let us remember that we are the authors of our own stories. With each decision, each triumph, and each setback, we add depth and richness to the narrative of our lives, leaving behind a legacy of courage, resilience, and love.

Nurturing Inner Wisdom

In the middle of all the loud sounds from what others expect, there is a small quiet sound inside us—this is our own true understanding. When we listen to this natural advice, we open up a big source of clear thoughts and knowledge that lights up our way with real meaning and being ourselves.

Appreciation changes how we see things, making us notice what we have more than what we don’t. When we accept the good things in our life, no matter their size, it helps us feel satisfied and at peace no matter what’s happening around us.

Perfection is not real and it stops creativity and prevents us from growing. When we accept our flaws and are happy about them, we free ourselves from the impossible expectations, which lets our true selves show.

The post The Childless Woman Owes You No Explanations appeared first on Healthy Holistic Living.

Related posts:

This Woman Has A Husband, Fiancé, Two Boyfriends, And They’re All Happy Together The Ultimate Act of Love: A Chinese Woman’s Approach to Inheritance Planning for Pets 11 Things About You That Will Change When You Lose Your Parents Hazel Roberts, Julia Roberts’ 16-Year-Old Daughter, Makes Her Red Carpet Debut What’s Your Ideal Weight According to Your Height?

Powered by YARPP.